Details: Outside of Starbuck’s, I thought it would be fun to blow bubbles at my dog (golden retriever) and see if he would try to catch them.
My fear: Minimal fear that others will wonder what the heck I’m doing, and why would a grown woman be blowing bubbles.
Response: A giggle from passing patron. A dog who was completely uninterested in bubble. Haha!
Truth: AGAIN, no one seemed to even notice. Do I just live in a silly place and people just expect to see grown women blowing bubbles at Starbucks?
New Fear: None. 🙂
How I feel: My left brain had difficulties getting out of the way. I SO wanted to blow the bubbles INSIDE Starbuck’s, but I decided that would just be too dangerous. 🙂 You know, it would make the floor slippery. Haha!! And then I was concerned that someone might think I was inconsiderate in letting the bubbles pop onto their car. <sigh> Will I ever be able to just let go and be silly? Oh, please, God!! Maybe just the very act of being silly every day will convince the logic side of me to let loose. Here’s to hoping.
Moment: In public, wear my Batman knee high socks with capes.
Details: Take my kiddo to his Theater Arts class, walk into a room filled with kids of all ages and check for reactions. Then walk into Safeway (our town’s grocery store) and buy a block of cheese.
My fear: The kids would laugh out loud and whisper to their neighbors what a freak that old woman is. I would get strange looks from my fellow shoppers.
Response: I walked in and no one seemed to notice. What? I finally walked over to my sweet friend (she’s a teacher and the director of Journey Theater Arts Group) and pointed to my socks. She gasped and then said we for sure had to coordinate wearing our superhero socks on the same day. She even tagged another friend on Facebook to join us in our new adventure. Haha!! One kiddo mentioned my socks without me pointing at them. She said, ‘I like your socks.’ 🙂 And then we proceeded to just have a natural normal conversation with a couple of other girls. They acted like Mama Kathleen did this everyday. Huh. Not what I expected at all.
No one noticed in Safeway. If they did, I didn’t see it. Again, why am I shocked by this.
Truth: I’m not as important as I thought. Haha!! Why would I think, of course, EVERYONE will notice this 45 year old woman wearing Batman socks? Why would I think everyone is always looking at me and evaluating me? People are just going about their day. They have way more important things to think about than me and my silly socks. Well, that’s refreshing. You mean the world doesn’t revolve around me and my actions? Wow! This project has consistently shown me that I have a whole false belief system running around in my unconscious mind. I’m assuming we all do.
Since my young friend, Megan told me about her English professor who wears crazy knee high socks everyday, I’ve been thinking I may need to do some more sock shopping. This kind of silly I think I can do.
New Fear: Weird. I don’t have that scary feeling that when I see my friends again that I will be embarrassed. Hmmm. That’s new. I still feel like my face will get red when I pick up this week’s pizza.
How I feel: Proud of myself that I made myself do this in public. If I had just done it at home it wouldn’t have been the same.
Details: Without practicing, challenge my 15 year old son to a paddle ball competition. First one to hit the ball 5 times in a row wins.
My fear: This fear is pretty minor compared to the last few silly moments, but I think my son will look at me like I’m nuts and politely decline the competition. Also, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be a champion hitter, but I anticipate I will hit it enough to have some fun. Without this Silly Moment Challenge I would NEVER take time to do this. I’m actually anticipating enjoyment, believe it or not.
The reason I made this into a competition is because I felt there was a tiny bit of fear there in playing this game, of which I have no idea if I’ll be any good (remember Erin and her fear of playing basketball because she knows she’s not any good?), in front of others. Especially in front of my husband who will probably instantly figure out how to hit that silly little ball, and then want to help me. See, I don’t like it when people tell me what to do. I’m allergic to it. I know. It’s not right. I like to figure things out on my own…alone. Where does this come from? Probably my childhood. I remember my dad or brother trying to help me be better at something. Soccer, bowling, table tennis, anything physical. And I never seemed to be able to understand the teaching enough to improve. I knew I frustrated them, and then my brain decided that must mean I’m dumb. Well, there you have it! This fear comes back to feeling dumb. Oh, boy! Ugh!
Response: My son politely agreed!! There was definitely a sigh in there, but I was happy he decided to join me. What a sweet kid. 🙂
I asked my husband to take pictures, so while we waited he attempted with not much success. I knew right there I was probably doomed. Would I even be able to hit is once? The thought was disappointing to me.
Grant, my 15 year old watched me attempt with only one hit. He casually glided over to where I was standing, calmly took the paddle, proceeded to hit it 5 times, hand back the paddle, and walk away. <sigh> Show off!! I continued to muddle through without him. This is HARD!! And I was failing to see the ‘fun’ in it any more.
I set the timer for 5 minutes to make myself keep trying. To tell the truth, my shoulder started to hurt. Sports Injury!! Haha! Wasn’t this suppose to be fun? I did giggle a lot in the beginning at how badly I was playing, but soon that just grew to frustration.
Then I decided, I needed to stop thinking this needed to be done a certain way. Maybe it isn’t about the number of hits either. Maybe I just mess around with it and let that be fun. It was in that moment of letting myself off the hook to perform that I hit that tiny rubber ball 7 times. Hmmm….
Later, my sweet husband entered the house, saw me struggling, asked if he could use it. He then attempted , you guessed it, to show me how he thought it would work best. Oh, boy! That hit a button. I did NOT like that.<sigh> So silly. Fortunately, he wasn’t a natural at it either, so the dumb factor faded. 🙂 I’ll be needing to explore this more.
Adding an element of competition made this moment feel less silly. I think maybe I might stay away from those types of activities in the future.
Truth: Attempting to hit a small rubber ball was kind of irritating. The reality is, I was kind of thinking that I could see myself carrying around that paddle ball and having mini sessions with it each day. I thought it could be a stress reliever. Nope.
The tiny bit of fear to feel dumb was bigger than I had anticipated.
It seems quite ridiculous to equate intelligence to a physical game. Being uncoordinated does not mean you are lacking in the brains category. I’ve said for years that I’m not spacial (I have difficulties with determining how far or close things are…I can’t see it in my head before I see it with my eyes). And somewhere along the line, I equated that to my intellect. I would NEVER say that about anyone else. I would fight to prove otherwise. Why can I not do the same for myself? Interesting. And so worth exploring more.
How I feel: This silly moment seems like a flop in some ways, and yet SO revealing in others. It appears that desire to not look dumb is deep within. I’m so glad to know it and start working on it. Who knew being silly could fillet open your insides so deeply. Whew!