Just one ❤️ palpitation for this challenge. The fear level is low.
Moment: Fingerpaint in the privacy of my own home.
Details: Pull out my Dollar Tree find of 4 colors and paint something.
My Fear: What is the point? I am no artist. This is going to look like a preschooler (no offense to the tiny guys) painted this. When I paint live on Periscope, it’s going to be a BIG yawner.
The Response: There were 2 wonderful people watching today, and my friend Jenn said it inspired her to get out her paints. Pierz said my dog painting was very Jackson Pollock . LOL!! Hardly. BUT his comment got me thinking, “maybe I should stop trying to paint exact representations of objects and free paint for awhile.” And I’m so glad I did. It took my mind off the value of the art and made it more fun.
Truth: When I relaxed and attempted to remove my judgements (I was not completely successful at this) I began to actually create. For one picture, I completely closed my eyes; the end product wasn’t super pleasing to my eye, but I liked not being able to judge myself while I was creating. I guess it surprised me how much I desired a worthy (something beautiful in my eyes) painting, and how disappointed I continued to be. Now THAT is ridiculous. These were FINGER PAINTS!!! So, my little perfectionist was far too alive in this process for my liking. My last painting I thought I would create a series of hearts in honor of Valentine’s Day. When completed, I was again less than excited. Wow! Being right-brained is tougher than I had imagined. Then I decided to go all preschooler and swipe my hand across all the colors. This created an amazing mix of colors. I will say, I was reminded of the worthiness of these silly exercises when my 15 year old looked at my Jackon Polluck rendition of Duke and commented it looked like a red bunny. At that moment, I realized what I was really sharing with my son was my willingness and desire and grow. And even though I wished it were more fun, that became the most important thing: my modeling to my kids to work out their fears to fully feel the brilliance of how God created them.
How I feel: A bit discouraged that I couldn’t immediately relax and just enjoy the experience…that it was again about results. Encouraged that I can acknowledge this and be praying for help to release more of little perfectionist in the area of fun. I definitely want to continue to try this exercise. I’m excited to keep moving with this project. There is so much more fear than I knew. And it’s time to get ‘er gone.